In February, my best friend and myself escaped Washington state, and came (back, for me) to California. With all of the preparations and catastrophes involved, South Park was, somehow, unable to find its way onto my list of priorities.

After our arrival, we found this really nifty apartment with really nifty (psychotic) neighbors. We moved right in.

Then, as fate would have it, one of our neighbors, Dean (who shall remain nameless), came over to inform us that we had to accompany him to see "Cannibal: The Musical". This was in no way a threat, of course. He was merely stating the obvious. After all, how can you NOT see a movie called "Cannibal: The Musical"?

So, we watched it.

It was hilarious.

It was not - for me - the "What the fuck?" fest that South Park has subsequently become. It does have in your face humor and shit that's just plain sick (like a scene centered around puss squirting several feet from a semi-scared eye socket that I have yet to see the whole way through). But it also has more of the subtle humor that most tickles my funny bone.

It makes the best use of the words "what" and "thank you" I've ever encountered, and it furthers the ridiculousness of the notion of duck and cover.

Trey Parker plays Alferd Packer (as if you didn't know), though his bug eyes frequently take center stage.

 

Matt Stone plays Humphrey, who, eventually, you, too, will want to cause great harm to.

 

Dian Bachar plays a sex starved, barely post, pubescent.

Unfortunately, these are the only names I can remember as I've heard them so much of late. In no way should my inadequate memory be taken to imply that the other actors and roles are less substantial (it should be taken to imply that I'm showing off that I remembered any names at all, because...uh...that's what it is).

Swan, the first victim, is truly more hysterical every time I see the film. He plays, with subtlety and charm, that kind of optimist that chirps loudly, "Good morning!" to just waking hang over victims, and, therefore, whose violent death is inevitable. Everything is rosy - or, at least, he's sure it will be in retrospect, so, buck up! His perky singing of "Let's Build a Snowman" will make you see that cannibalism is not such a bad thing after all. I may not know his name, but I can tell you, he plays this part exceptionally well. He really is so nice you want to kill him.

The character of Bell is much more reserved, at least until the infection makes him insane. Then, of course, he's a first class nutter. I give him 3 1/2 chainsaws and an A+ for his almost death scene.

Mr. Miller seems a bit more camera shy, but he really comes out in the scenes where he's bitching at someone. And, hey, that's what really matters anyway. He's adroit at not singing (a man after my own heart), and does a pretty gosh, darn good Abe Lincoln.

Noon, the post pubescent pervert,...uh...well...actually, that pretty much says it all. His one track mind makes him a pretty one dimensional character, lending the movie it's only semblance of realism. He is , after all, a 19 year old boy. This is an actor with quite a talent for physical comedy. I recommend you keep your eyes on his expressions.

I have come across the funniest story that I've read in a while. I totally peed my pants. It's "The Making of Cannibal the Musical" written by a seriously cool guy, Jason McHugh,
a star and producer of the film. His story and much more can be found at CrapTV

Then, there's Liane. But we'll get to her later.
At least, I assume we will, since everyone else has.

Alferd Packer, those with the patience for the internet have told me, is the only American ever convicted of cannibalism. This fact brings to mind a certain kind of man. It speaks of a certain harshness; an arrogance that leads to the truly sinister. It speaks of strength and that wicked intelligence that becomes true cruelty.

Chuck it - he's a dolt.

The debate still rages in my cerebellum - innocent or just really, really stupid? It's hard to tell with this interpretation of the man. Parker plays a Packer that is naive, simple minded and possibly inbred. Again, the physical comedy is top notch. His stupidity (Packer's) is the very meat of the more subtle jokes, and his execution (Parker's) of the role makes it priceless. Not to mention the fact that he looks damn good in tights.

The writing is brilliant, and, from me, that's saying something. Lacking the talent to write a script myself, I am, of course, very critical of them. But, because of the special kind of humor (and, yes, I do mean "short bus" special), it could not fly without the sound support of those portraying it and those behind it.

"Cannibal" is directed by Trey Parker (big shock). How many hats can this guy wear? And how the fuck do you direct a scene when you're way in the background of it? Perhaps my having exactly no fucking clue how this shit works is what feeds my awe at his ability to do it. Perhaps. And perhaps he's just brilliant.

If you're not familiar with the story line yet (hello?!), I'm not gonna tell you. You have to see it to believe it anyway. I will say, however, that this movie is nuts - a perfect 5 chain saw rating and a definite guttbuster.

My advice: find it; watch it; lather, rinse, repeat.

Grizelda